smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
