I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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