I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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