alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
