hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
