Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
