Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
