Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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