His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
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