if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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