There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
where are you?
Hypothermia
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
