you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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