I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
