God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
