I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize