Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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