i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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