areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
operation have a gay friend backfired
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize