dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
