Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
