Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
