at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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