Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
