We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
