he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
