The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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