I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
