The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
