Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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