You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
