Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
