Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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