took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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