Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
