these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
