Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
