I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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