Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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