is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
