didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
