I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
