All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
