i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
handjob tips. give me some.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
