I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
