Joe is yelling at the trees again.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
