The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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