he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
