Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize