if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
