It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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