No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize