What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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