Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
