Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
