hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
