You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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