I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
