Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
