woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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