he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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