Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
