He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
