i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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