Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
