Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
