I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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