when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
