And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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