Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
