I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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