Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
