if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
