Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just want nice things and good sex
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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