So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
