**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
