Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
